....

For those of us who

do and don't relate

and how hard it is

to tell the difference

these days

Women

speak of self hatred

in action

in silence

mumbling words

that make the beauty they leave behind

catch the world off gaurd

We don't hate ourselves

in ways that are easy to catch

Smiling at the things about how we feel

that are not okay,

but are commonplace

We have found

so many ways to do it

For the EDPA** on my floor

who mentioned she used to be a ballerina

and how I make assumptions

that I don't want to

because they maybe made about me

and someone may see

that they are mostly true

rationalizing

how and why

our faces

rather,

everything below them

will never be okay

sample sizes are easier in single digits

specifically ones with BIG HOLES in them

but dont hate yourself

because the fact that only one type of woman

can model things of beauty

doesnt mean you should make

any limiting correlations

For the men who will accept us

and how we will use it to feel

nothing less than dealt with

We are counting

counting on

counting numbers

on weights

on scales

boxes,

clothing

on clocks

instead of waiting

counting down

smaller, lower

towards

the day that

the weight of being

a sizably questionable pretty

will be lifted

and we will be light enough

to feel a little less heavy

with burden

Though we will never get the love we want

because we can't find it in ourselves

the chase...

the chase

will always feel a lot better

than the w(ai/eigh)t

**Eating Disorder Peer Advisor