"The condition of native is a native is a nervous condition”-Introduction to Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth

Anglicized-Nyasha (born in Zimbabwe, 14 years old, lived in Britain for 5 of them) reflecting after getting in a fight with her father...where she hits him back. The book speaks much of the subjugation of women, class issues in post-colonial Africa, "modernization", education, and self-preservation

"I know [… ]It’s not England anymore and I ought to adjust. But when you’ve seen different things you want to be sure you’re adjusting to the right thing. You can't go on all the time being whatever’s necessary. You’ve got to have some conviction, and I’m convinced I don’t want to anyone’s underdog. It’s not right for anyone to be that. But once you get used to it, well, it just seems natural and you just carry on. And that’s the end of you. You’re trapped. They control everything you do"

-Nervous Conditions By Tsitsi Dangarembga

Straight out of my paper enh? How is it that this quote can apply to so many things. This passage, once I read it, summed up in full and effortlessly my issue with my place in this here world. More specifically, my feeling of lacking or rather sacrificing the latter as a result of gaining placement in this here "Small liberal arts college in New England". And we won't even start on how much this says about being a Second-generation Immigrant/ Foreign/ Blank space-cultural hyphen- Anything.

& The battle that the spirit has with this place.

The things my soul has seen and felt. Look nothing like what I see with all this "reality" stuck in the corners of my eyes. Me, me, ego-less, and otherwise says this quote so often it hurts& heals to see it in print.

And it goes, and goes, and goes.

Fear controls its all.

"We are so trained in the thought system of fear and attack that we get to the point where natural thinking-love-feels unnatural and unnatural thinking-fear- feels natural. It takes real discipline to train an unlearn the thought system of fear"

But I have to keep in mind that, even with all that stuff stuck in my eyes, some will sadly call reality (if its not love its not real) that

"A miracle worker is not geared toward fighting the world that is, but toward creating the world that could be"

-Marianne Williamson

(Is so still my homie...some 3years strong)

"Nervous Conditions", eh?

That was it is isn't it.. conditioning,

A condition,

temporal,

temporary.

Woke up to fast and now its 7am.

Hello world...I'm going back to sleep..