Anniversary freewrite

I told myself that there would be no such writing because it smelled too much like wallowing..here it is anyway seeping out of me like drained hope. I had to write it down in two minutes and pretend to get it out.. for my so-called sanity

there is no ceremony

there are no candles

there is no talk of love today

the way there was a year a go

when I unfolded the love letters knotted up in my throat and

gave them to you in a sentence.

I wonder how it became this way

the turn table of my thought telling

a truth with no expected reciprocity

met their gilded joy at the dawn of a morning much like this

when I was scared and full of love for you

busying myself

there is no phone call today

and similarly enough

I am learning to cope somehow, again

with the idea of getting no reciprocity for my divulgences

oh faith,

oh risk,

oh gilded heart

I wonder where and in what I should place thee

I learned love a year ago

and now

I am trying to teach myself how to let it go