"The condition of native is a native is a nervous condition”-Introduction to Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth

Anglicized-Nyasha (born in Zimbabwe, 14 years old, lived in Britain for 5 of them) reflecting after getting in a fight with her father...where she hits him back. The book speaks much of the subjugation of women, class issues in post-colonial Africa, "modernization", education, and self-preservation

"I know [… ]It’s not England anymore and I ought to adjust. But when you’ve seen different things you want to be sure you’re adjusting to the right thing. You can't go on all the time being whatever’s necessary. You’ve got to have some conviction, and I’m convinced I don’t want to anyone’s underdog. It’s not right for anyone to be that. But once you get used to it, well, it just seems natural and you just carry on. And that’s the end of you. You’re trapped. They control everything you do"

-Nervous Conditions By Tsitsi Dangarembga

Straight out of my paper enh? How is it that this quote can apply to so many things. This passage, once I read it, summed up in full and effortlessly my issue with my place in this here world. More specifically, my feeling of lacking or rather sacrificing the latter as a result of gaining placement in this here "Small liberal arts college in New England". And we won't even start on how much this says about being a Second-generation Immigrant/ Foreign/ Blank space-cultural hyphen- Anything.

& The battle that the spirit has with this place.

The things my soul has seen and felt. Look nothing like what I see with all this "reality" stuck in the corners of my eyes. Me, me, ego-less, and otherwise says this quote so often it hurts& heals to see it in print.

And it goes, and goes, and goes.

Fear controls its all.

"We are so trained in the thought system of fear and attack that we get to the point where natural thinking-love-feels unnatural and unnatural thinking-fear- feels natural. It takes real discipline to train an unlearn the thought system of fear"

But I have to keep in mind that, even with all that stuff stuck in my eyes, some will sadly call reality (if its not love its not real) that

"A miracle worker is not geared toward fighting the world that is, but toward creating the world that could be"

-Marianne Williamson

(Is so still my homie...some 3years strong)

"Nervous Conditions", eh?

That was it is isn't it.. conditioning,

A condition,

temporal,

temporary.

Woke up to fast and now its 7am.

Hello world...I'm going back to sleep..

&.

Sharing.

Me mostly discovering, her mostly re-discovering

Black&African Oldies.

(There will forever be odes to the time we sat in the car and drove to New York singing Sam Cooke's Bring it on Home to Me between sobs)

My MOMs

is

LIKE

DAT.

(like, actually)

The newest re-addition to our Try to Reconcile Life archive :

(oh, yea...you go dey brush up on your pidgin enh?)

Moshood Abiola (MKO) with Nelson Mandela shortly after his release from Robben Island.

In case I forget that there is much history interacting with my childhood and wonder why it often comes out of my random-wiki.search-nowheres to slap me on the face and remind me that my mother was "something" somewheres (multiple) maybe once.

Will expand later, currently procrastinating my procrastination of a paper that is due in 4.5 (hours) on a book I never finished but throughly (almost) enjoyed (Nervous Conditions).

...I'm sleepy

Adam was an androgyne.

I'm already yours.

Be Mine.

I don't have a way with words.

But they have their way with me ;)

(scandal)

Periodically

I think of how beautiful you are.

And want to laugh,

but always cry.

Delivery.. Bundle of Joy

We love Vintage Shopping
We love ebay.
(in that order...haha who is 'we' ?
me and the voices in my head possibly)

Yes. I'm serious...

Wait till you see me in this

I know it may be wack to post this on a blog

but I am actually just too excited.

I cannot wait to wear this.
I have been trying to cop this since summer and finally decided to stop being cheap and lazy.
I love vintage shopping on ebay. My gawd

The RBG motif tho yall..
Really?
Loveliness all the way.
It's on some dress/jacket status
(Pretty shameful that I think I either one will do... lets see if I have any senses when I do step out
with this on SMH, shameful)
My friend Ben said
"mmm, i like it.. its very HBCU circa 1980"
(that was in the summer & I still remember it
to the letter, or to the essence
whatever, thats not the point)


Disclaimer:
it looks better on me than on the mannequin
ha.YAS!

POWpowPOW

We Forget

"I love you" is a statement. Not a response.

The fool looks at a finger that points at the sky.

“There is always some madness in love.

But there is also always some reason in madness.”

Nietzsche

"I guess they've broken my spirit"

SexyBlackAfrican....Muslims

My name is Murktarat Yussuff

and I actually only like African- descendant Muslims.

Sorry...Its not my fault

Past

Mansa Musa

Bilal ibn Ribah

African (present-day Ethiopia) slave the prophet chose to be his muezzin (person who makes the call to prayer). Also first African to convert to Islam. Also known as Bilal al-Habashi or "Bilal the Ethiopian" (Al-Habishi, like Habesha wheeeeeeeeeew! I'm so cool... Amharic is so a Semitic language anyway so i guess that was an obvious and easy one but I'll take it). Most importantly Bilal is said to be the muezzin that will make the call to prayer on the day of judgement. So we were running around 2008 worried about the wondrous event of having a Black man in office when there have been Black men running world powerful empires (yea duh duh I know) but who would have told you or would have remembered(this is for all the WACK racist Muslims out there... you're an oxymoron .. just saying) a Black man could/would (depending on your religious affiliation homie I aint forcing my faith on anyone) be calling people to prayer. Hm. Rakakakakow. Bilal, Mansa Musa (Musa being the name for Moses....Black +Moses: oohh lawd don't make me start making connections to Egypt and Blackness and Slavery and Harriet Tubman..) and Baraki (I dont know if I like him too much but that is besides the point) are all African and Muslimy..muhahah OUT TO CONQUER THE WORLD. okay im done.

But I will say. I love this I love Bilal and although it is perhaps one of the most urbanized Black Muslimized, significance underrated and unrecognized, culturized and de-religousized namesEVER. I'm pretty bent on naming one of my offspring Bilal in someway shape or form.

(okay so my work is ACTUALLY WAITING so Im going to make this brief instead of as long as I actually would like to)

Present

(obvi. there are a lot including yours truly but I'm putting only two and probably really famous ones)

Mos Def

(Obviously because I'm in love with him)

Everyone knows Mos Def's drama two wives and all that nonsense and he makes it clear/ has made it clear at shows that he struggles with his religion people wanna criticize him for that, people want and like to criticize Black Muslims in general and people like to criticize African descendant Muslims in general because of the issue of Religion and/or/ with Culture of a people not from the places where Islam originated and how these different histories interact and appropriations that are made........

I love him anyways.

K'naan

is the only man I would ever make my an exception to the 'no being a second wife, there are only 1st wives in my lineage' rule for

(yes, we have polygamy in the Yussuff fam.. we'll talk about that later.. until then.. don't be an ignorant fart and make any assumptions.. it no dey be good-oh.)

(found this picture after I wrote the blurb about him but when I saw this picture I literally slapped myself in the face and gasped "God" smh, oh yea that actually is really wrong haha lamenting over a beautiful man.. where is my shame)

Gawd you pretty. And I have a thing for East African men.. actually only Somali's and really really SEXY Ethiopian men (insert awkward silence and crickets here for all those that get the innie..smh). & OD within the past couple years I have surprisingly run across a few fine Ethiopian men. I aint saying they typically unattractive I'm just saying that I have been told by my many many MANY Habesha homegirls that the fly ones are few and far between... mmMmM. Dartmouth has one cutie right neeeeeyaaaawwwwSHATAHAY! (sorry, fully aware that was inaapropriate) And bump that. add a 'really really sexy' in front of the Somali part too, You only get an automatic obsession from me without being mad sexy if you are a West African male.. but not the 'I wanna date you' type obsession.. more like the 'in another world in another time' , 'back before before' 'alternate reality, future ex lover, when we were kings and queens' 'maybe i was his husband maybe he was my wife' or ' I've spent so much time despising and fearing you that now i am intrigued by you since you once stood emblematic of everything i hate/ everything that has broken me and I think i'm a fearless almost woman thing now and tryna have my heart follow suit' or 'homie, i really want a voice with some base in it to help me practice my Yoruba &/or Pidgin' ...

Ways type of obsession

Whoa.. that was a whole lot!

but...i think I may just be obsessed with Somali's in general and never realized it til K'naan.. like its been sitting in me all along.. haha. Warsame is a pretty sexy last name.. i look good in sexy, i feel like i could rock it.. and i need kids with mad culture...little homies would be speakin Somali..which has mad arabic all up in it..WHAARRAT. (I am thinking this out way too much it is disturbing)

ohh OH AND. one of the most amazing African Muslim female poets EVER. Warsan Shire. Also happens to grant poetically and in her personal physical presence the best sights and sounds I have ever seen or heard. DAMN SHE FINE!. BAYAD ONE!! Seriously though click the link read her poetry and make sure you see that woman's face. Ma'shallah and a GOODGODALMIGHTY

Okay i said two but i lied. Three.

Q-TIP

oh shay tay hay good GOD almighty.

damn you pretty.

DAMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Okay sorry but this picture was disappointing haha

(Um It took me entirely too long to find a picture of q-tip I could deal with this makes me sad.. i think he is getting old. I just need one that recaptures the beauty of his face in poetic justice and that beauty mark.. yea that beauty mark is all im really worried about actually.. hahhaa)

I won't add no mo cuz yall alhhhreaaaahhdeee knoo

Oh person I didn't include because I am obsessed with him to an unhealthy degree.

Amir Sulaiman

(I like yell when I see his face anywhere.. wtf am i going to do when i meet him.. yea. i love how him and my advisor are BFFs and he is prally coming to my school soon.. my organizing Ass will be making sure that occurs in the Spring inshallah....=/ i put a curse world and inshallah in the same sentence... my middle name is Sacrilege)

Interesting how all the present day ones are hip-hop artists .. we will have a discussion about Muslim in HipHop aka my life and my struggles and my contradictions in many ways, and even perhaps a marginalized group where a marginalized person like me would fit in most but still feels marginalized in some ways. it's a long discussion to be had over and over and one they attempted in DEEN TIGHT.. which i still haven't seen =/ whoops.

Peeep:

Muslims in HipHop

(Pop master Fabel of the 2livecrew. man oh man he came to teach my theater class.. GOD IS GOOD what a blessing.. that & how i got connected to this network is a story for later though...pt: him and his wife run this)

Iman Community Cafe'

okay. NOT only is Chicago beastly .. but apparently so are their MUSLIMS

my God. Oh man I'm trying to go to Taking it to the Streets this June.

YESSIRMAM&CHILD.

ALSO!!

i only put BlackAfricanMEN..what the hell is up with that.. I will do a massive female do-over. I think somehow history Not necc. Islam in itself but history and American culture can't deal with Muslim females. Especially if she is a "Black AFRICAN" oh ya. this was all Sub-Saharan... which was ignorant for me to go with the idea that Sub-Saharan is the only Africa meant in African descent. I'm a victim of my circumstances trying not to work within these fallacies that you wont understand me without.....smh... that is an intellectual ponder I'll deal with later though... I think.

This week is Islam in Africa Week on the syllabus for my Introduction to African Studies class and also happens to be our MSA's Islamic Awareness Week with a focus on Muslims in America, one of the events being a screening of New Muslim Cool (which is not about a chocolate Muslim but a Puerto Rican rapper one BUT! there are mad coco Muslim in dere doe) and our new advisor has some Chocolate in his whatever else (I ain't sure yet),

ON TOP OF IT ALL at the end of the week I am going to Muslims in the IVY conference at Yale on the prowl for some (SHAMEFUL I AM!) chocolate Muslim men.. (let's be real though whenever you get Muslim youth between the ages of 20 and 30 together you are soooo tryna get a homie betrothed to a homie). All of that is going on okay.. So I cannot be blamed for writing this blog literally in the middle of my reading for Intro. for African Studies ...due tomorrow, when I should be working. Blame my African Studies prof, Al-Nur (and my mom for convincing me to run for office this year), and Yale's MSA...ALL IM DOING IS TRYNA HAVE A HOLISTIC LEARNING EXPERIENCE HOMIE!

HAHA

Click on the underlined stuff for goodiesdurr....please =]

...I am Murktarat.. and i ACTUALLY pondered linking mentions of my reading to my ACTUAL reading for people who wanted to learn more about Islam in Africa and the words "chocolate" and "Muslim chocolate" to images of their respective association (yes including the actual food).

I have problems

(this blog officially took about three hours of my life... this is high school all over again...and this was supposed to be my 'go academically hard week....FAIL.. which also means you have to ignore any typos nonsensicalness in here, and any messiness)

Fear Controls Love Compels

"Don't Move.

Listen: You are the only thing in your way,

Why?"

-Hueman Prophet Jabari Exum

Listen: With Your Heart

Dream Sequence

I need to speak to

Whoever is in charge of

dreams.