Day 19

It is hard to reclaim something
you never knew you were losing at the time

I made a vow to never press my lips
against things that hadn't proven themselves
worthy of my touch,
drenched themselves in beauty first

I believe more in the things you haven't said
than the things you did,

The beauty of your silence is what got me.
I fell for the nothing in you,
only to now wonder
if I fell for nothing in you.
I fell
for nothing.

I do not actually have any reasons
to care about you,
but have been trying to reclaim
my firsts that you,
unworthy as you are,
get to hold as trophies
or centerpieces.

But you wont
they are not important to you,
you do not know their value,
I wont ever have enough courage
or self pity
to actually tell you.

They will probably end up somewhere
in the back of a closet in your room,
the one in your hometown
that you spend the least amount of time in,
collecting dust

Passing up the opportunity to be of use
even as a hand me down lesson
to someone younger than you.

And you won't even know they're there.

Meanwhile I've lost something,
quite a bit of faith in myself,
in my fearlessness

Confusing the fact that
silence will always be held by truth
With
silence will always be the truth

As a man,
learn to be more careful about the things you do
And the things you don't say
Because this is not a test drive
or
a thrift store exchange of
ancient things you can borrow
and get rid of

You know more than
you act like you do
And as a man,
hiding behind the guise of a boy,
your knowledge will find its way
to seep through the claim of ignorance
you put on certain things you do
And its stench will catch you like
haunting guilt,
something that no one will ever
be able to smell
as clearly as you do.

However odd, untimely, or frivolous
you may interpret my actions to be
I am not something ancient to be
borrowed
when you're fascinated
and exchanged
when it stops being convenient to think its pretty
To stop thinking is worth the trouble
when it starts being convenient to

If you didn't want it
You should have said so,
it would have saved the both of us
a great deal
of trouble